End.

May 23, 2012 around 5pm

            Yes I’m happy, but I’m not fine. Ganun pala kahirap mag PRETEND, pag may nag tatanong Are you okay? sasabihin Yes I’m Fine, pero deep inside hindi, gusto mong sabihin Hindi, pero hahaba ang conversation at pagod mag type sa phone :D

          I give up. So ayun nakipagusap ako sakanya, then I said I give up, ayaw ko na eto, ayaw ko na tumagal pa eto kase alam ko masasaktan ko lang sya at masasaktan ko lang sarili ko. So ayun! Hindi niya ako pinigilan, kung ano raw gusto ko okay lang sakanya, kung dun raw ako sasaya susuportahan niya ako. Okay na sana kaso..

           Yes, his my bestfriend boyfriend, okay na sana yung breakup namin pero pati friendship nawala rin? Nung sabi ko ayaw ko na yun parang break na kami sabi niya bestfriends? So Honestly una ako yung nagdecide na sana pati friendship namin eh mawala na kase para di ganun kahirap mag move on, then bigla ko naalala na nangako kami sa isat isa na mawala na lahat wag lang pagiging bestfriend, so ayun! Binawi ko, tapos siya naman yung ayaw, ayaw nya na kahit bestfriend :’( 

           Nasaktan man din ako nung sabi ko ayaw ko na parang break na nga, pero di rin ganun kasakit kase nga desisyon ko yun, parang wala ako sa right para masaktan, and okay lang rin sakanya, pero mas pinaka nasaktan ako nung ayaw niya na ako maging bestfriend ulit. But it’s ok, choice niya yun wala na akong magagawa, ayaw ko naman pilitin kase parang tanga lang ako. KILL THE MEMORIES! Yes, still moving on, Maaring madaling kalimutan ang boyfriend, pero boyfriend BESTFRIEND? hindi eh, parang oras oras naalala mo lahat, tapos tulala, tapos bigla nalang maluluha. Sa oras oras na yan minsan nasasagi sa isip ko parang gusto ko makipagbalikan, pero tinatanong ko sarili ko para san pa? After all he did..

            Eto ako ngayon, lumalaban sa kahapon, ayaw ko na sana etong pagusapan kase tuwing naaalala ko di maiwasan masaktan at bigla nalang teary eyes. From my past na crush ko lang, I mean M.U ko lang, it’s been 2years bago ako nakapagmoved on talaga. I hope na sana hindi eto ganun katagal kase alam ko yung hirap ng pagmomove on. Pero mahirap talaga kase hindi lang yung pagiging boyfriend yung kakalimutan ko pati pagiging bestfriend. Double ang sakit. :’(

          Minsan naiisip ko na sana di nalang ako nakipag break kase parang di mawala yung friendship, pero kase choice ko yun, buo yun desisyon ko na iwan na sya kase wala na talaga, hindi naman sa manhid pero kase di ko na talaga maramdaman and effortless na rin sya. Kapag di ko pa itigil eto parang tanga lang talaga ang labas, tapos baka humatong pa sa mas worst talaga.

          Alam ko darating din ang araw na okay na ako,  yun bang wala na yun sakit, yung bang nakamove on talaga. Everything will be alright soon :) I just need someone to talk, please be my clown for today. :(

#bye

Do I look allright?

          I always hope to find someone I was deeply in love with. Someone to spend the rest of my life, someone who’s always there when I needed the most, Someone who won’t give up on me no matter what happens, Someone who’s always protect me, understand me, help me, spend/give time to me, love me, and Can’t live without me. I don’t need a perfect one, I just need someone who can make me feel I’m the one, the only one.

          WHEN YOU’VE STOP LOOKING, THAT’S WHEN YOU’LL FIND THE ONE. Pero parang may kulang? May hinahanap ako and hindi ko makita sayo. But I do, I do really love you BUT..

          Now I’m slowly giving up? I give up? not because I don’t love you anymore, I give up because I don’t want to hurt you. I’m afraid I loved you too much and it’s not fair on my part anymore. When you love someone you have to let them go, it’s going to be pain, more pain, I know, but you just have to smile and give them the benefit of the doubt because one day they will miss you and realize a mistake is made. 

         Honestly, I don’t want this to happen, but you gave me a hundred reason para mag give up. So YES! I GIVE UP. :’(